Monday, August 17, 2020

Turkey vs. Spam sells out

Turkey vs. Spam sells out DID YOU KNOW? This weekend is a tax holiday in Massachusetts. I sure hope my floor uses the opportunity to buy a $1000 wide-screen television set online using our floor funds! My roommate Kunal is a communications major from Bombay who dreams of one day studying at a prestigious advertising school in the United States. Because of that, Im thinking of enlisting him to help design a new banner for Turkey vs. Spamwhat do you think? Could the bunny hat use a bit of an update? Anyway, over the past few days Ive been busy designing a new television commercial for Verizon Wireless in my head. Why? Because Verizon Wireless is, in my experience, the best provider you can get at MIT, and if you look at specials on Amazon you can even get a free cell phone when you sign up for a plan. Check out my old entry on it here. As Melis said, almost everybody at MIT has a cell phone, so bringing one of your own would definitely be helpful if you dont have one already. Just to let you know, this commercial is so good that I could probably call up Verizon right now and make a million dollars. But instead Im posting it here because I wanted to show you that MIT students have tremendous creative gifts in addition to their aptitude for math and science. Thats how committed I am to MITblogging. First of all, whats the catchiest song in the entire world? Wrong, its Message in a Bottle by the Police. So, the first thing you see is a close up of this guys head as hes waking up on the beach. He has short, curly hair. He jolts up, revealing himself to be on an empty beach with no shirt on. You hear a few guitar notes, and then Just a castaway, an island lost at sea Over this music, you see the castaway look over to see his jet ski totalled against some rocks and broken into at least two pieces. He rubs his head and walks toward it. Hes digging through the wreckage and finds a small backpack, out of which he pulls a cell phone! You see a shot over from his shoulder where hes clearly looking at the cell phone contemplatively. Ill send an SMS to the world! I hope that someone gets my The next shot is of the guy hitting Send on his cell phone. Hes sending a message to Stephanie from Jason that says Shipwreck! Help! 143. Or something like that, we could work out the details with the actors. Anyway, Stephanie is in a kind of large speedboat with her friend, who doesnt have a name but is also wearing a red bikini. You see Stephanie get the message, clap her hand to her face in panic, yell something back to her friend, and drive off, just as you get to the quiet, mysterious part message in a bottle, yeah. In an earlier draft I had made it message in a mobile, yeah but I decided that was a little tacky. So as they speed off, the camera zooms in suddenly and kind of campily on Stephanies nameless friend, whos sending a text message from her phone. And as she hits send, The Police kick in with: Sending out an SMS! Sending out an SMS! The camera does some kind of weird retro pan effect (okay, I didnt go to film school, Im just selling a concept here) to another young guy whos getting the text message. Then he sends another one to a guy and a girl on the beach, who send one to a guy in front of a palm tree, and so oneach one to the rhythm of the music, with the same weird retro pan effect. They all look very heroic as they send their text messages, and wield their cell phones almost like weapons. Then cut back to the beach, where Stephanie and her nameless friend are leading an line of boats at the beach of a desert island. Its nighttime, and theres a campfire set up. The camera pulls back a little to reveal Jason standing there in the extreme foreground. Meanwhile, some of the friends are grabbing coolers and stereos from out of their boat. And then Sting is standing there by the campfire with all these young people dancing around him in the background, playing beach volleyball, etc. And Sting says, You can be sure that theyll get your SMS with Verizon Wirelesss global network, proven to have a larger coverage area and fewer dropped calls than any other carrier! I dont know if thats true, but it would make the commercial a lot better. And then theres a long shot of the beach with everybody partying and enjoying themselves, while the soundtrack just keeps repeating Sending out an SMS! Sending out an SMS! And now every time you hear The Police, you will want to buy a Verizon cell phone. Or read my blog. Im in Italy until next Wednesday, so youll just have to find something to talk about until then.

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